WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE

Nutshell Ramble

Neil Breen is back ladies and gentlemen and you know what that means. Let’s get some beers and call up some friends.

OVERALL SCORE – IRONIC (3/5)

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Full Ramble

This ramble will be a real interview I did with Neil Breen from a real nightmare I had.

Me: Hello Mr. Breen, nice of you to make time from your busy schedule.

Neil Breen: I am very disappointed with your species. I am here to talk to you about it using my film as the medium.

Me: Okayyyyy!! Sir what do you mean when you say “you are disappointed with our species?” Aren’t you one of us too?

Neil Breen: I am not human. All of you are a part of my experiment. I am an interplanetary being.

Me: Rightttttttt. So what is your problem with this planet?

Neil Breen: Humans are wasting resources and not using renewable energy. You are destroying your environment for future generations because all of you are greedy and corrupt.

Me: Okay. Can’t you fix everything when you are God? I saw you cure aging and cancer in your movie. So, why don’t you share the gift? And why can you clean up the environment while you are at it?

Neil Breen: Because…………………………………..

Me: That aside. Why do you hate bras so much?

Neil Breen: Bras are the work of the devil and anyone wearing them will be punished for it.

Me: That’s a strong stance going anti-bra. But how do you explain all the trouble you go to, to titillate the audience without showing them what they want to see.

Neil Breen: Women’s tits are the devil. I intend to show only the breast but not the nipple. That’s what I as God intended but the Devil’s horns made their way onto the breasts as nipples.

Me: But what about your….??

Neil Breen: *angrily* You dare question my form?

Me: I am sorry sir. Next question. What do  the two moons and baby heads in the desert mean?

Neil Breen: When two moons appear in the sky. I pick up my director’s chair and walk towards my film set. The ideas come to me from the heavens. All those dolls had to be sacrificed to make this piece of art happen.

Me: Sacrificed to who?? You are God.

Neil Breen: *darts his eyes up and down while his alien face appears and disappears*

Me: So. That handicapped guy you met. His goal was to see only the Las Vegas sign?

Neil Breen: He wanted to see the whole city but I had more God like plans for him. Like hooking him up with one of the 2 hot women I found on Craigslist.

Me: Hmm.. How do you think they would support themselves and their fake baby with the economy being in the crapper, as your movie said of course.

Neil Breen: Uhhhhhhh… Questioning the workings of your lord is not nice.

Me: Well Sire. How do you explain being crucified with the nails not going through your hands all the way?

Neil Breen: I shot it when my hands were half way healed.

Me: How do you explain all the stock footage and stock music in your film?

Neil Breen: I donated that footage to the world and now I use it as my own.

Me: Why do you drive a car when you are God?

Neil Breen: My tools. My rules.

Me: How do you explain someone getting fired from the same job twice or no semblance of continuity or having only 6 corrupt government officials or….

Neil Breen: You dare question me again?

He screams loudly and takes off his shirt. My eyes started to bleed and I was frozen in time. Neil Breen turned to the camera.

Neil Breen: I am here….now. The day of judgement is upon you and the dolphins will rule the world. Now you will see me in my true form

Neil Breen changes to his alien form with circuit boards stuck to him using super glue. I could not take the feeling that comes when one is present around the lord. I woke up.

OVERALL SCORE – (IRONIC) 3/5

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