The Fate of The Furious is a 2017 car based superhero film directed by F. Gary Gray, written by Chris Morgan and stars – way too many names to list here. The film follows the lives of our “favorite?” car thieving, drag racing, murder committing, Tyrese having, crew as they get into more incomprehensible hijinks.

There is no good way to put this, this is a bad film. Just conceptually, logically, and in so many other ways, it’s bad. I know you don’t go to a Fast and Furious film aiming for high art, but it can be decent art. It can be a film which doesn’t fail internal logic. I’ll drop in an example, Vin Diesel has this super duper high tech GPS cross thing he wears. During the climactic battle, Jason Statham and his brother (don’t even get me started) use that as a marker to get onto the enemy base and destroy their operations. My question is why couldn’t that be done in the first, or god forbid second act, of the film? What stopped them?

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It’s things like that which makes for poor film going experiences for me. I want to like every film I watch but if it is so flawed on the surface, I know that looking deeper into it will make me despise it. The action is incomprehensible and the line readings are abysmal. Furiosa is “I took a trip to the Dominican Republic-OSA” now. Bad guys shoot a wide open Tyrese with machine guns and don’t hit him. He smashes their faces in with a car door right after. Seriously, I do not find any sort of dramatic tension and even when someone dies on-screen, I could care less.  I’m not even wowed by any of the set pieces because, NO STAKES!! NO REASON TO CARE!! Did people forget screenwriting 101? This was directed by the dude who made Straight Outta Compton. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? People accuse Marvel of stifling creative directors but after stifling Justin Lin, James Wan and F. Gary Gray, people need to turn their attention to this franchise.

I have a solution for this. Either come out and say they are super humans a la Unbreakable or just start putting them in some real danger with real stakes. I just can’t do this anymore. Every movie gets stupider than the last and makes more money than the last and there is no God. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I need to keep my temper under control.

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On the flip side, Jason Statham is the best part of this movie. I love funny Statham. He blew me away with his hilarious antics in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and subsequently in Spy and now this. His fight sequence while trying to amuse a baby is the best thing this film has to offer. I had a genuine smile on my face watching him flex his acting and action hero chops. I wish he’d do more all-out action comedies like the Crank movies, I’d pay to watch that.

I have no good things to say, and going by the old adage “if you have nothing nice say then don’t say nothing”, I’ll stop right here.

 OVERALL SCORE – 1-star

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